Tag Archives: Full Moon

On surrender

moon whale

Usually I work with the theme of release during the Full Moon.  I meditate on the old patterns, things that feel stuck that I’m ready to release, to let go of, to clear.  Often I’ll do some kind of releasing ritual usually involving burning things (I am a Leo after all…we love our fire) and then burying the ashes or letting the wind carry them away.

This month, however, in honor of the huge transition going on in my life (as well as I’m sure many of yours), I’ve been sitting with the idea not of letting go, but of surrendering. They sound like the same thing, right? Although they may be similar in definition and sometimes even outcome, to me surrendering has a different energy behind it, and so contributes a different quality to this journey through transition and change.

For most of us, change can be really uncomfortable.  Even when we know it’s what we need or even want, we tend to resist, freak out, lose our center, and fight to hold on to situations, people, jobs, or patterns from which our soul is ready to move on.

To say the first half of this year has been intense for most of us would be a gigantic understatement.  To me, it felt like my very foundation was being shaken until everything I knew to be true crumbled, my walls were leveled, my heart broken open to reveal a softness inside I had allowed very few people to witness before now.  I was knocked to my knees, literally and figuratively.  My physical body changed, and sometimes it felt like those deeply engrained ways of moving, thinking, speaking, and acting were being burned away, consumed by that very fire that used to terrify me when I’d feel it rising.  And when I finally surrendered to that fire, that blaze that I had been afraid would burn out of control if I didn’t contain it, began to soften and reveal something brilliant underneath.

And then I could finally take a deep breath.

All that crumbling, breaking, splitting, and destruction that we’ve been navigating can finally lead to the most space, the most depth, the most compassion, and the most peace we’ve ever felt.  As I look back at the aftermath of the last six months, I see the rubble of old beliefs, relationships, addictions, and roles that I had held onto for my whole life.

And now is the time when I surrender to my uncontainable and irrepressible Being within.  My wild grace.  My creative spirit.  With all this space that’s been opened up, with this unwillingness to abandon myself any longer, unwillingness to edit or hold back this wild creature that’s been set free, I can finally surrender to the Wild Soul I’ve always known was there, waiting to be awakened and uncaged.

So it’s not a letting go.  I’ve done the necessary (for now) letting go and making space.  Now is the time to surrender to my truth.  Under the blessing of this Full Moon, standing in my own sacred space, I now have the necessary space to fully trust my soul to guide me.

What would happen if you sat in the fire?  If you held your space, not knowing how you would come out the other side?

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Dancing under the full moon

full moonMy feet are covered in grass, my jeans are wet, I keep pulling leaves out of my hair, and my hands smell like damp earth and burnt sage.  And I’m ecstatic.  I’ve just been dancing under the full moon.

I have my full moon ritual that I do every month, but this time my soul called me outside, and so I listened, performing my simple ritual at the base of a pine tree under the Moon’s soft light.  I sat with her, listening to her and to my own heart.  Listening to any special whisperings she may have for me this cycle.  I heard, “I’m finally here, I’m fully in my body, and I’m saying yes.  And I’m going to keep saying yes.  Keep feeling,  Keep showing up.”

And then I danced, wildly, spinning in circles with bare feet under the Moon until I fell into the dew-soaked grass.  I laughed like I haven’t laughed since I was 7 years old, so fully connected with Younger Self, blissfully aware of my spirit’s light.

On my walk home I can feel my own ecstatic energy pulsing through my body, radiating out so many feet beyond my physical boundaries.  No wonder I kept all this power, this energy, locked inside me for so long.  Its intensity is overwhelming but beautiful.  And since I was young I would get images of ages past, of ancient full moons, stone circles, primeval forests where I would visit with the faeries and spirits, but I had no idea where these flashes of seemingly random impressions came from.  As something settled deep within my belly last night I realized, these are past lives, journeys my soul has already been on, places I’ve been to with my soul brothers and sisters.

Ritual, connection with our Younger Self, creating sacred space, setting new intentions, releasing old patterns, continuing to show up for ourselves.  This is the only way to wake up, to deal with our pain, to get through it all.  Iyanla Vanzant writes, “Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed.  You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; But eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life.  You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them.”  The role of ritual, of magic, of sacred space is to hold and guide us through this process of pulling out the “core of the pain” so that we know can honor this process, honor the old version of ourselves that we must release in order to welcome the new.