On surrender

moon whale

Usually I work with the theme of release during the Full Moon.  I meditate on the old patterns, things that feel stuck that I’m ready to release, to let go of, to clear.  Often I’ll do some kind of releasing ritual usually involving burning things (I am a Leo after all…we love our fire) and then burying the ashes or letting the wind carry them away.

This month, however, in honor of the huge transition going on in my life (as well as I’m sure many of yours), I’ve been sitting with the idea not of letting go, but of surrendering. They sound like the same thing, right? Although they may be similar in definition and sometimes even outcome, to me surrendering has a different energy behind it, and so contributes a different quality to this journey through transition and change.

For most of us, change can be really uncomfortable.  Even when we know it’s what we need or even want, we tend to resist, freak out, lose our center, and fight to hold on to situations, people, jobs, or patterns from which our soul is ready to move on.

To say the first half of this year has been intense for most of us would be a gigantic understatement.  To me, it felt like my very foundation was being shaken until everything I knew to be true crumbled, my walls were leveled, my heart broken open to reveal a softness inside I had allowed very few people to witness before now.  I was knocked to my knees, literally and figuratively.  My physical body changed, and sometimes it felt like those deeply engrained ways of moving, thinking, speaking, and acting were being burned away, consumed by that very fire that used to terrify me when I’d feel it rising.  And when I finally surrendered to that fire, that blaze that I had been afraid would burn out of control if I didn’t contain it, began to soften and reveal something brilliant underneath.

And then I could finally take a deep breath.

All that crumbling, breaking, splitting, and destruction that we’ve been navigating can finally lead to the most space, the most depth, the most compassion, and the most peace we’ve ever felt.  As I look back at the aftermath of the last six months, I see the rubble of old beliefs, relationships, addictions, and roles that I had held onto for my whole life.

And now is the time when I surrender to my uncontainable and irrepressible Being within.  My wild grace.  My creative spirit.  With all this space that’s been opened up, with this unwillingness to abandon myself any longer, unwillingness to edit or hold back this wild creature that’s been set free, I can finally surrender to the Wild Soul I’ve always known was there, waiting to be awakened and uncaged.

So it’s not a letting go.  I’ve done the necessary (for now) letting go and making space.  Now is the time to surrender to my truth.  Under the blessing of this Full Moon, standing in my own sacred space, I now have the necessary space to fully trust my soul to guide me.

What would happen if you sat in the fire?  If you held your space, not knowing how you would come out the other side?

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