As many of you know, I’ve been on a journey lately to heal my relationship with money. I knew it was time to write this post because as I sat down to write it, I really didn’t want to. Resistance. It’s a beautiful and VERY anxiety-provoking teacher. As Steven Pressfield writes in The War of Art, “The more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that that enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul. That’s why we feel so much Resistance. If it meant nothing to us, there’d be no Resistance.” So here I am, writing about something I NEVER thought I’d be writing about, self-love and money.
Another thing I resist? Doing anything related to car maintenance. I know it’s ridiculous. It’s a very grown up and responsible thing that we automobile owners need to do. And why do I avoid anything related to cars? Simple: it makes me feel stupid. Disempowered. Small. Totally out of my element. Transmission fluid? Air filters? Alignment? Yeah, no thanks.
But one of my Core Desired Feelings this month is “Empowered.” I want to feel empowered and independent around my life circumstances and my responsibilities, especially the ones I’ve previously avoided.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m SUPER independent! I left home when I was 18 and moved 3,000 miles away from my family, I like doing things myself (sometimes to a fault…delegation is not my strong suit), and I’m not afraid or uncomfortable going places and having a great time on my own. Solo road trip? Hell yea! Exploring new cities on my own? Totally!
So the other day I decided it was time to get my oil changed. (Actually the sticker in the top left corner of my windshield SAID it was time.) As I sat in the waiting room, biting my nails, feeling small and super awkward, I realized here was a perfect instance of a lack of self-love.
In a moment of perfect synchronicity, I was sitting there reading Kate Northrup’s book Money: A Love Story so it hit me…*cue facepalm*…
There’s another area of my life in which I’ve always felt disempowered: MONEY. Budgeting, financial planning, accounting, bookkeeping? Nope. Again, major resistance. I’ve been working SO MUCH to cultivate more self-love in my own life, teaching self-love to my clients, so here was my chance to practice getting into my body, listening to my heart, and begin healing this part of me that felt inadequate.
The major pattern in ALL of this? Avoidance. Burying my head in the sand and *fingers crossed* hoping things would somehow just work themselves out. It’s worked thus far, right? Kind of. Mostly. Not so much. So here are the new practices I’m implementing with deep commitment and intention to cultivate a LOVING relationship with my money…
1. Checking my balance. Making it a part of my daily routine, a ritual, even a spiritual practice in mindfulness, gratitude, and intention behind my conscious, daily choices.
2. Feeling gratitude. Feeling abundant isn’t about the amount of money in your bank account. It’s about the way you FEEL about the money in your account. When I check my balance now, I see the work I love doing. The clients and students I love working with. The fact that I get to live a purposeful life AND make money doing it!
3. Notice what I spend my money on. Not to create guilt and shame, but to make sure my purchases are in alignment with my values. You’ve heard it before: We vote with our dollars! So why would I invest my money (and therefore my energy) into businesses that don’t feel good to support.
I wrote out these action steps as I waited for my car to be ready, then got into my car feeling lighter, more conscious, and EMPOWERED!
Wild Grace 
Three cheers for feeling empowered! & for getting your oil changed…think of how much money you saved in the long run by not avoiding that one task! xo
Thanks Elle! I was pretty proud of myself 😉
My car is so overdue for an oil change! As I think about how that is parallel to how i treat myself, I am realizing that this is a pattern that I have put off looking at. When you read my blog post from today, you’ll see what I’m talking about. 🙂
Core Desired Feeling of Empowerment, yes! Love how you tie that into money and daily habit. Gratitude is everything and has changed the way I look at the money in my life today.
Tricky, tricky avoidance!! I’ve so been there. Especially around money.
Avoidance is the opposite of empowered. I love how you recognized this and took action. Its a great reminder.
Totally been here. Especially around money. Creating daily habits is so important.
Yup, can definitely relate to avoiding the money stuff too. I’m working on making friends with Quickbooks, creating better systems around tracking income and expenses, getting help when I need it and appreciating my bills – hey, they represent my awesome life! 🙂
PERFECT!!! Thank you for sharing your heart. I am sooo guilty of the “avoidance” tactics myself and I will (like you) commit to looking at my accounts each day 😉 While the resistance is always tough I know for me it feels so much more amazing to be awake! Thank you for your truth!
I love the way you framed looking at the money in your bank account as seeing all the great clients and work you love to do that it represented!! I’m totally doing that too!
Katie this was so serendipitous to read because I started making my finances a priority the past week and so too have picked up the daily habit of checking my bank account! the first few times I had a hard time fending off the feelings of dread, but now I actually enjoy it and it feels very EMPOWERING to know where my money is going. Also today I noticed that I was charged $30 over my receipt for a birthday party I was at Sunday sooo…it pays to keep track of our finances!!! Woohooo!!! P.S. I still know nothing about cars 😉 xxxoo
YES! Thank you for this reminder, I’ve had a bit of head-in-sand syndrome around my money the last couple of weeks and it’s time to dive back in for some money lovin’! I love the idea of checking my balance and making it a daily ritual. Lovely! I’m going to start doing that 🙂
Car maintenance is really a great metaphor for empowerment. Especially as women, we are societally expected not to know anything about it or want to know. Last time I took my car in, I asked the guy to show me my transmission fluid and oil, etc so that I could feel empowered making a decision about what needed to be done instead of just taking his advice at face value with no solid evidence that what he was telling me was really needed. Taking our heads out of the sand in so many scenarios (money included) truly is key to self love and empowerment.